The Best Investment I Ever Made
4 Minute Read.
Nine months ago I bought myself something.
Wasn’t Kate Spade.
Wasn’t a new Fitbit.
Wasn’t VIP tickets to my favorite rock band.
Nine month ago I bought myself a therapist.
Really glamorous, huh?
After being diagnosed with PTSD, I began the very emotional and difficult treatment to work through scars I’ve had for 10+ years.
Most people think PTSD is just something people in the military deal with. Nope.
It’s brought on by anything traumatic. Like enduring pain and brutal heartbreak, time after time-- watching someone walking away, never pausing to look back to see if you’re okay. It can be brought on by never dealing with losing a parent. It's brought on by watching a sibling almost die. It can happen after battling an eating disorder, or enduring debilitating pain and heath issues for years. And my biggest demon: enduring abuse— any kind of abuse.
Those are just a glimpse of my demons I’ve battled over the last several years.
Ironic, isn’t it? The woman who boasts and brags about being made of steel, with a heart of ice was nearly defeated by her demons. Until nine months ago.
“Are you actually ready to do this?” My therapist asked. “Because I warn you, it’s going to hurt and feel like hell for awhile. You will feel like shit as we actually deal with this. But you're an incredible human, and you will conquer it all."
My ignorant and immature answer:
“I don’t have time to fall apart though.I just got a new job, and I’m about to release a book that’s already six months late in it’s release."
She kicked my ass. Woo, did the woman kick my ass.
“Oh, you don’t have time to get healthy? You don’t have time to grieve? You don’t have time for you? You don't have time to get whole again? That’s where we’ll begin. This is self care.”
So I took her hand and trusted-- and began to heal.
She was right. My first month of treatment I was in a living hell. Flashbacks, memories suppressed would hit me in the grocery store giving me a wave of nausea and making me want to curl up in a ball. After every session it felt like I had the flu. I’d cry for hours and then sleep for 10, 12 hours at a time like I had just run a marathon.
This was healing. This was processing. This was letting go.
Therapy. Journaling. Self Care Days. Meditation.
Rinse + Repeat. For the last nine months.
You may be asking yourself “Why is she broadcasting all of this on social media? Why wouldn’t she keep this to herself? This is personal.”
Yeah. It is personal. It’s extremely personal. It’s raw. But you know what else? It’s honest.
If women (or men) like myself don’t share their story, then how can my story or situation help or inspire others? It can’t. Then this was all for nothing.
All of that being said: I've entered 2017 with my self-proclaimed "ice queen, bad ass" mask taken off with a new level of transparency that I feel people can only learn from.
Life is a journey and I’m a work in progress. Now that I’ve walked through the worst parts of dealing with PTSD and healed tremendously, I can actually give 100% to projects I started and had to embarrassingly put on PAUSE because I was a HOT, HOT MESS.
Like this one. My heart and soul— my first novel.
I’m proud to let you know that after a very uphill battle for the reasons above and then some, I’m happy to let you know Where Hope Lies is available for purchase.
Because you guys waited so DAMN LONG, Kindle copies are FREE starting TOMORROW until MY BIRTHDAY (March 12th) Purchase your paperback copy (signed or unsigned) and e-books here at:
Thank you guys for the love and support, I love you all! XO